Malice in Wonderland Bundle 3 Read online

  Malice’s expression hardens. “You do realize that I consider the Snark my personal enemy, and enemy of the Queendom.”

  Humpty says, “Yeah, he latched onto the poor Hatter!”

  The smile disappears from Reginald’s face, replaced by a snarl. “Well, things change, and I believe the Snark is destined to be the future ruler of Woeland, and Wonderland shall be no more!”

  “Not blooming likely!” the Cat shouts.

  Malice is merely staring at Reginald, with her mouth hung open in shock. She looks to Humpty to see he has a stunned expression as well.

  “Oh don’t look so stricken!” Reginald says with a chuckle. “He’s just stronger, smarter and would make a better leader than you.”

  “Sir how dare you!” shouts the Cat and Malice says, “Watch your mouth.”

  “Yeah,” Humpty says in support.

  “I’m starting to think you must fancy the Snark,” Malice says.

  Reginald says, “You haven’t even been Queen all that long, Malice. If you quit now, you would hardly miss it, and you’d avoid the bother of being a ruler with all its responsibilities. And the Snark shall bear no grudge against you, so long as you abdicate the throne—of that I am certain—it is as if we are of the same mind, he and I...”

  “He is a colossal prat,” Malice says. “I do hope you’re not working with him in the future, or else there shall be consequences.”

  Humpty, in a voice more courageous-sounding than usual, shouts, “Yeah, she is not to be trifled with!”

  “Yeah!” the Cat now shouts. “The Queen of Hearts isn’t the only one who can shout ‘off with his head’!”

  The Horseman Head gives him a look and raises his brow. “Really, now...”

  The Cat fumbles, “Err, you know what I mean.”

  Reginald quirks his mouth. “Actually, no, I can’t say that I do.”

  Malice says, “Perhaps dungeon time would be a more appropriate punishment for any treasonous acts.”

  “Oh, come now...treason?” Reginald says. “That is quite simply not the case. I admit, I’ve interacted with the fellow, and I find him to be an upstanding, considerate chap. I feel he has simply been misunderstood.”

  “Misunderstood?!” Malice says. “Bollocks!”

  Humpty says,”Yeah! He took over Hatter, possessed his mind and body!”

  The Cat adds, “Yeah! He’s a right, proper, prat!”

  Reginald says, “Truly, none of this hostility is necessary, I promise you. The monsters were wronged by the Queen of Hearts, not by you. Which is why she must be made to pay!” His face snarls up in fury.

  Malice says, “She’s already in the dungeon.”

  The Cat adds, “And I do what I can to irritate her!”

  The Horseman Head groans in irritation at the Cat. “Yes, that’s all well and good, but I— I mean, the Snark, who is quite profoundly not me, feels the Queen of Hearts should be made to pay the price for her crimes against monstrosity.”

  Malice gasps and quietly murmurs, “No,” Humpty quietly mutters, “Crikey,” and the Cat says, “How soon and how?”

  The Horseman Head continues, “Of course, once Woeland is enstated, the Snark shall still allow you to play a large role, as an advisor, perhaps. You’ll be doing the right thing by restoring the wronged monsters, plus you’ll get the benefit of having an esteemed, prestigious title without all the bothersome troubles of having to actually rule and make all those difficult decisions. The Snark is willing to make all of these concessions to you when the transition comes. He merely asks you to make one gesture of good faith at the present time.”

  Malice snarls. “What’s this gesture you mentioned?”

  Reginald scowls. “The Queen of Hearts. Her crimes against the monsters and even the humans are unforgivable, and justice must be served. You have her in your dungeon. The Snark wishes to see her executed.”

  The Cat exclaims, “The first smart thing you’ve said so far!”

  Humpty looks at her and says, “You won’t, will you?”

  Malice shakes her head. “I shan’t! I don’t deliver the death penalty.”

  Humpty looks at Reginald. “She won’t.”

  Reginald says, “Why so blooming dainty, girl? You’ve done quite a bit of vicious murder in the past, right?”

  The Cat says, “She took one of me nine lives, she bloody well did.”

  Malice says, “That was when I was heartless. But now I have my ticktock heart and the black rose as my medicine to keep myself under control. So no, I absolutely will not murder the Queen of Hearts, and you can tell that to the Snark, just before you cut off all future contact with him and personally vow your allegiance to me and Wonderland. And if you do all that, I might be lenient in your punishment.”

  Reginald’s eyebrows rise on his forehead. “Hmmph! So you’re decided then?”

  “Quite. I’ve grown weary of this folly. Are you prepared to cut off all contact with the Snark?”

  “I’m afraid I can’t do that, love. For, you see, he and I have grown quite close.” He calls out, “Now!”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  ALL THE SKELETON GIRLS in the room lift and shift their weapons. All the girls with crossbows are now aiming them at either Malice, Humpty, or the Cat.

  “I’ll be back later,” the Cat says before teleporting away.

  “Scaredy Cat!” Malice shouts at him. To the Horseman Head, she says, “What is the meaning of this?”

  He replies, “I tried reasoning with you, but you decided to be uncooperative. So consider this a coup d’etat. Make a move and my girls shall turn you into a pin cushion.”

  “You’ve lost your mind!” Humpty says.

  The Horseman Head replies, “That’s one thing I haven’t lost, dumbass.”

  “You’re out of your head,” Malice says with a scowl. “What I think Humpty meant to say, is you couldn’t find your bum with two hands.”

  Humpty grins at her. “Good one.”

  The Horseman Head says to Malice, “You’ve got quite a sassy mouth on you, lass, but it’s still not my intention to do you any harm, because you’re not the guilty one—the Queen of Hearts is. But I quite dislike your anti-death penalty policy. That’s why I really must insist that you rethink it. Now, you shall stay here as my hostage. Your boyfriend here shall be allowed to go to your castle to fetch a certain object I desire. If he returns with it, I shall make an exchange of you for it, and you’ll be allowed to go unharmed, and sorry for the inconvenience, yeah?”

  Malice puts her hands on her hips—there is a rustling of weapons and some of the skeletons’ crossbows shift over to aiming at her. The dangerousness of the situation suddenly strikes home. She tries to hide her nervousness behind a brave voice as she says, “So what’s the blasted object you want?”

  He replies, “The bloody Queen of Hearts’ head. The bloodiness is optional.” He chuckles at his own joke.

  Humpty lets forth a little distressed whimper. “I truly dislike handling those.”

  Reginald says, “Well, I suggest you quit being such a priss and get over your squeamishness. You want your girlfriend to be set free, yeah?”

  He nods. “Certainly. But she’s not my girlfriend.”

  Malice sighs dramatically and rolls her eyes.

  Reginald says, “Oh, are you two lovebirds having a tiff? ’Tis no matter, ya poor sod, true love shall endure!... Provided the lovely Malice is released of course. Just bring the head, and she’ll be set free. I’m sure she’ll be supremely grateful to be rescued and shall run passionately into your arms to shower you with kisses.”

  “Errr...” Humpty says. Looking uncertain, he looks to Malice’s face, and she says, “No, that’s not what shall happen. He shan’t bring me a decapitated head as some sort of demented Valentine! I told you I shall not execute the Queen of Hearts. She shall serve her life in the dungeon and that simply is all there is to the matter. Now call your skeletal harem girls off and set me free this instant, or suffer the consequences.�
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  “Consequences?!” Reginald chuckles. “My dear girl, I don’t think you fully grasp who is in charge here. All I’m asking is for justice to be served, and for the head of the vicious tyrant queen to be delivered to me. If you merely allow justice to be satisfied, and have your boytoy bring the Queen of Hearts’ head, you shall be released with all cordiality, this I vow.”

  Malice’s eyes narrow as her eyes meet his. She is furious at the audacity of this beheaded man, yet she fears she may be in a situation that could lead to her getting killed...unless she submits to his terms and allows the despicable and ruthless Queen of Hearts to be killed—the queen who herself ordered the death of so many when she was in control. Was it really so terrible that she too should suffer the command of “off with her head”?

  Malice is frozen in indecision between two choices—to defy or comply. But if she refuses, how will she be able to escape unharmed?

  Perhaps I should just—

  Her inner thoughts are interrupted as she sees an object flying over her head in her peripheral vision. She looks up to see a dark object tumbling through the air. Many of the skeleton girls are looking up at it as well, and in the split seconds that the tumbling object arcs through the air, Malice thinks it almost looks like the head of a fanged monster... She thinks it might even be a jabberwock head, but she can’t be sure, since it’s traveling so quickly that she can’t be certain, and she sees that Reginald has noticed the object as well, in his peripheral vision—he blurts out, “What?!” But his object-tracking abilities are severely limited, due to his inability to really move his head about all that much due to him being decapitated and all. And so, he cannot see what she sees, as the object plonks into the bone-lined wall to her right, then the object thuds to the floor and rolls a few times.

  It comes to rest—well it sort of comes to rest, since it still wobbles some—and Malice realizes she is squinting at the decapitated Jabberwock head—meeting his eyes.

  And now his voice calls out from the head, “I beg to differ!”

  All the skeleton, girls and Malice and Humpty as well, have turned to look at the utterly outrageous sight of the thrown Jabberwock head—it’s so unexpected and abnormal that everyone in the room seems to be either in shock, or taken aback. Only one or two of the crossbow girls in Malice’s sight gets it in their skull to aim their crossbows at the Jabberwock head.

  “What’s going on?!” the Horseman Head shouts.

  Ah, Malice thinks, everyone here is gobsmacked except for Reginald, who can’t turn his head to see what we are all gaping at.

  A female voice to Malice’s left calls out, “Don’t move, Snark! Me and my girl and Jabby have our crossbows aimed right at you! The jig is up!”

  The Horseman Head’s eyes slide as far as they can go in his unmoving head to see who is speaking.

  Of course, Malice has no problem swiveling her head to see that pink bikinied skeleton girl who’d greeted them. She’s standing against the wall aiming her crossbow at a point slightly above the Horseman Head, which Malice finds odd.

  She also finds odd, the sight of the Horseman Body to her left, standing at the room entrance. And about five feet to his side stands the other skeleton girl who’d greeted them, in the blue bikini. They are both aiming a crossbow at a point slightly above the Horseman Head.

  They’d snuck in while everyone was looking at the tossed head. It must’ve been a distraction! And Malice inwardly winces, as she thinks, Such a painful distraction it must’ve been, as well, the poor lad.

  The Horseman Head calls out, “Femurlina! Thigh-boneona! Quit aiming at me and aim at the Jabberwock head! Whatever he told you was a lie! Because he’s Malice’s pathetic little servant!”

  Wow, apparently those skeleton girls who greeted us have names—though, they’re odd bone-based names.

  From the floor, the Jabberwock shouts, “They’re done listening to you, you cad! The girls now know the truth about you. The truth is...” On the opposite end of the room, the Horseman Body points dramatically at the Horseman Head, while the Jabberwock proclaims, “This head is an impostor!”

  “Rubbish!” the Horseman Head shouts.

  “Tell ’em, girls,” the Jabberwock says.

  Femurlina says, “It’s true. Our master has been taken over by the Snark!”

  Malice and Humpty gasp—and exchange glances—Malice expects the skeleton girls to gasp as well, but then she realizes they don’t breathe. They do seem to waver a bit with uncertainty and exchange glances with each other.

  The Horseman Head shouts, “Lies, all lies! Girls, keep your aim on the Jabberwock’s head! He’s no real monster, he’s a traitor, a Malice-lover!”

  Malice quips, “To know me is to love me.”

  Humpty says, “Though you can be obnoxious at times.”

  Malice feels like addressing the rift between them, but this is definitely not the time.

  One of the numerous skeleton girls in the room says, “But the Snark has to be glommed onto his slaves’ heads, and he’s not glommed.” She gestures with her battle ax to the space above the Horseman Head.

  “That’s right,” the Horseman Head says, “there is obviously not a creature on me, which means the Jabberwock is completely out of his head! But he’s convinced Femurlina and Thigh-boneona of his lies. I think he must be using some sort of magic to sway them! Don’t let him take over your mind! Shoot the Jabberwock head immediately!”

  “No! No!” Femurlina shouts. “Don’t do that! The Jabberwock is a hero! He showed us that the Snark is, indeed, on top of our Master’s head, and he gave us the proof. There is a weakness in the magic, a way for us to see where he’s hiding.”

  “Pure poppycock! You see how he has convinced them of utter nonsense! Stop him before he takes over you as well. Shoot him now! I command it!”

  Something about the Horseman Head’s voice no longer seems as forceful and arrogant—he sounds somewhat nervous and unsure of himself.

  The Jabberwock says, “The fact of the matter is that the Snark is hiding within an invisible hat atop Reginald’s head!”

  “Preposterous!” the Horseman Head shouts, but his voice quivers with fear—it’s obvious now, it seems he can no longer hide it.

  The Jabberwock continues, “But the illusion of invisibility has one weakness. Mirrors!”

  The Horseman Head shouts, “Utter codswallop! Don’t listen to another word!”

  Now Femurlina, the blue-bikinied skeleton girl, chimes in, “The Jabberwock has a mirror in his pocket.”

  “Break it right now!” the Horseman Head shouts.

  Femurlina, increasing the volume of her voice, says, “I saw the reflection of the hat in the mirror. So did Thigh-boneona.” Thigh-boneona nods as much as she can while still aiming her crossbow, as Femurlina continues, “That is why the Snark, pretending to be our Master, ordered all the mirrors on the walls taken off and destroyed. Didn’t you wonder why he—”

  The Horseman Head shouts, “I told you why!”

  One of the anonymous skeleton girls says, “Yeah, he said he couldn’t stand to be reminded of how decapitated he is, but I did wonder why he would become so squeamish all of a sudden, after all this time.”

  The Jabberwock starts, “That’s because—”

  The Horseman Head shouts, “Nonsense! That Jabberwock is a lying liar! And he’s obviously tricked Femurlina and Thigh-boneona into believing him.”

  “Just—” the Jabberwock shouts.

  He’s cut off by the Horseman Head, who shouts, “Shoot him now! Everyone! Shoot! Now. Do it!”

  But no one shoots. Instead, all the skeleton girls are exchanging glances, uncertain what to do.

  The Jabberwock says, “I’ll just show them in the mirror. You’ll all see Reginald’s actually wearing an invisible hat. I have no doubt the Snark is beneath it. It dawned on me a few minutes after Malice talked to me. She mentioned the Snark, then I started thinking about the fact that Reginald recently attained a hat I’ve never seen him
wear. Then I began wondering why you were suddenly so insistent that I not bring a mirror with me to visit you, so I brought one today, then I saw the hat.”

  “I should like to see,” Malice says. “I’m the Queen, so I should go first.” She holds her hand out toward the Horseman Body.

  “No!” the Horseman Head shouts. “Femurlina, take that mirror and break it this instant, I say!”

  “No,” Femurlina says, “You’re an impostor. Everyone will see in the mirror...”

  The Jabberwock says, “The jig is up, Snark! Just admit who you are! No use fighting it anymore.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  AS THE HORSEMAN BODY fumbles in his trouser pocket for the mirror, the Horseman Head lets out a grunt of frustration. “Very well, then!” he shouts. “Yes, I am the Snark! And I’m hiding inside this invisible magicked hat that makes it appear as if no hat is being worn!” Many of the crossbow-wielding skeletons shift their aim to just above the Horseman Head. The Horseman Body returns his hand to the crossbow, without bringing the mirror out, as the Horseman Head says, “But you’re a monster too, a jabberwock. You should be on my side! I want to create the nation of Woeland, and make the monster tribes strong! Instead, you submit to a human queen, like some sort of pathetic weakling!”

  Malice shouts, “He’s hardly that!”

  The Jabberwock says, “I am proud to serve Queen Malice, and I have no problem with her being human.”

  “Gee, thanks,” Malice says. She puts her hand on her hip.

  The Horseman Head chuckles. “No problem with her being human?! Don’t you mean you revel in her being human? The jabberwocks of the valley all speak of you, the jabberwock who’s still left behind in Wonderland. They whisper amongst themselves about you and your quite peculiar...affection for little human girls. That’s quite different from normal jabberwocks, who much prefer to tear little girls limb from limb. They’re enemies, you know...”

  “I’m aware,” the Jabberwock mutters through clenched fangs, across the room.

  The Snark/Horseman Head says, “So why did you end up so...peculiar? So opposite of what a true jabberwock is?”