Malice in Wonderland Bundle 3 Read online

Reginald says, “Well I am deeply honored by your poem.”

  “The honor is mine,” Malice says. “But moving on to other matters...” To the Jabberwock, she says, “So, are you convinced now of the threat the Snark poses?”

  “Aye,” he says. “You were right. I must travel to Jabberwock Valley to warn them of the danger of that madman, err I mean, madparasite? Is that a word?”

  Malice nods. “And I and a few trusted others shall accompany you.” To Reginald, she says, “We shall be going on a trip, so we’ll be off using your body for perhaps a few weeks. I hope to find the Jabberwock a new body while we’re gone. We’ll be sure to return yours once we’re done.”

  Reginald says, “Hey, as long as I get paid. And I’ll be sure to charge extra for any damage incurred.”

  “As I’d expect you to,” Malice says. “Now, all that’s left to do is to prepare for our departure, and get a few things settled beforehand.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  OF COURSE, THE MOST pressing thing for them to do is to march on over to the hut next door, so the Jabberwock can give Sleepy B his announcement. So they proceed to do so.

  As they walk inside, Sleepy B looks up from the book she’s reading while lounging on the couch. She’s wearing that dyed-purple, shortened nightgown.

  I should talk to her about dressing more appropriately.

  Sleepy B says, “So what did ol’ shellac-head wanna speak to you about?”

  “Well—” Malice says as they walk up to her, but she doesn’t get to finish her sentence as Sleepy B eagerly rushes her words to say, “He didn’t get mad and yell at you? He didn’t...lose his head?!” She giggles for several seconds.

  The Cat says to Sleepy B, “My darling, I’m sure you were just dying to accost us with that little ‘jokey joke’ of yours, but your delivery was rushed, and quite forced.”

  Sleepy B scowls and blows a raspberry at him. “Sorry I’m not as much of a joker as you are,” she says.

  “Quite so,” the Cat says, taking the insult as a compliment.

  The Jabberwock says to Sleepy B, “He told us some very eye-opening things.”

  Sleepy B looks at him and opens her eyes wide and forms her mouth into an open little “O”. She stares at the Jabberwock for a long several seconds without blinking and manages not to laugh, though she’s twitching.

  The Jabberwock chuckles, says, “That face!”

  The Cat says, “A much funnier delivery, darling! Perhaps you should stick to the physical comedy.”

  “Thank you,” Sleepy B says, “but I shall still work on the verbal kind. So what did Master Mustache-face inform you of?”

  The Jabberwock says, “The Snark is trying to destroy Wonderland and unite the Monsters of Woeland. He’s a conniver, not to be underestimated.”

  “He’s a slug!” the Cat says.

  The Jabberwock tilts his head forward in order to nod. “Yes. We met the slug himself, and I’m now convinced that he’s a grave threat to the jabberwocks and that they must be warned.”

  Sleepy B takes in a breath of air. “You mean?...”

  “Yes, I’ve decided to travel to Jabberwock Valley, along with a team of others.”

  Sleepy B squeals and tosses aside her book, which ends up falling to the ground. She jolts to her feet. “Oh, Jabby!” She wraps her arms around the Jabberwock’s borrowed body. She says, “I’m so glad you decided to go! We’re going to have so many exciting adventures together, I just know it!”

  The Jabberwock’s body is holding its arms limply at its side, definitely not returning the hug. “Sleepy...” he says gently, trying to get the ecstatic girl’s attention.

  Sleepy B giggles and says, “But who else shall be on our team, hmm? Malice, are you coming too? And you too, Humpty?”

  Malice nods uncomfortably, and Humpty looks shyly at the ground.

  The Jabberwock says, “Sleepy B, love,” a little more forcefully this time.

  Sleepy B unwraps her arms and pulls away from him, a bewildered expression on her face. “What?”

  The Jabberwock says, “I’m sorry, but you can’t come. It could be dangerous, and you’re too young.”

  Sleepy puts her hand upon her hip and unleashes a little growl. “I’m 11. Why, that’s almost full-grown age in jabberwock years.”

  The Jabberwock says, “But you’re not a jabberwock.”

  “Oh, but I am...in here.” Sleepy B taps the side of her temple with her finger.

  The Jabberwock says, “I’m sorry, but that doesn’t count, darling. In human years, you’re a little girl.”

  Sleepy B scowls, looking as if she is trying to hold back a severe tantrum. “You’re wrong. In jabberwock years I’m already even older and more mature than you.” She points at Malice. “You’re 15 now, right? Only 15...as far as your physical body’s age is concerned...because weren’t you actually only 13 a month ago? But then your body was fast forwarded a couple of years, right? So aren’t you really still only 13, in here?” Sleepy B taps the side of her head again.

  “No,” Malice says, feeling bewildered and uncertain, but she’s committed to not being proven to be wrong. She searches her mind for an excuse and comes up with one. “Because there’s also the matter of maturity levels. I have been taking on the responsibilities of a queen, while you have been sleeping all these years.” Malice doesn’t mention that it could be argued that, in terms of how long she’s actually been alive, she herself isn’t even half a year old yet.

  “And also, there’s your father...” Humpty says to Sleepy B.

  Malice says, “Yes, I doubt he shall allow you to go, considering how dangerous it all is.”

  “Pffft,” Sleepy B says. “Surely you jest. Daddy only cares about what makes interesting and exciting stories, and this one shall prove to be riveting, I’ve no doubt. Besides, he can no longer boss me around, for I’ve had quite enough of his shenanigans. Why, he kept me asleep for decades for his own selfish purposes. It’ll be a long time before he makes it up to me.”

  Malice says, “Nonetheless. He’s your father, and though you two may be squabbling now, he cares about you. I think you should at least talk to him about it.”

  “Fine.” She rolls her eyes.

  The Jabberwock says, “I really don’t think you should come, darling. The other jabberwocks are mortal enemies of little girls...”

  “But Malice—”

  “I’m 15,” Malice says.

  The Jabberwock says, “Malice is a queen. They’ll respect her power.”

  Sleepy B says, “And I’ll make them respect me, too! And I’m sure you’ll vouch for me, Jabby, and stick up for me. Plus, in my heart, I’ve decided to adopt the jabberwock ways. I want a jabberwock name, and I’ll dress like a fierce warrioress. I’ll even wear claws!”

  Malice says, “You’d need new clothes, then. Even if you don’t go, I think you could use a makeover.”

  “If it means I can go, I’ll do it.”

  Malice sighs. “I don’t want to get your hopes up. It’s too dangerous for you.”

  “But it’ll be even more dangerous for you if I don’t go, because I have storytelling abilities that could keep you safe, and someday I could even possibly be more powerful than my daddy.”

  “But you’re not, yet. And also, your father revoked your storytelling powers, remember?”

  Sleepy B grins. “I can tell you’re coming around. So, I’ll talk to my father, tomorrow probably. And I’ll get new clothes. We’re not leaving tomorrow are we? How many days of preparation will we have?”

  Malice says, “We haven’t agreed to let you come. But no, we shan’t leave tomorrow. We must take a few days to set things in order, I should think. We must assemble our team and supplies, figure out who to put in charge while I’m gone. And we should attend to the matter of a certain rascally former-Cook before we go...”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  AS SOON AS MALICE GETS back to the castle, she asks Hatter to join their quest team.

  Though he i
s still clearly mad at her, he agrees.

  There are a few other characters Malice wants to approach about joining the team, but she wants to resolve the issue with the former Cook if she can, before they leave, so she sends a bunch of guard cards out on a scouting mission. Neither the former Cook nor the Snark have been sighted recently.

  She makes sure to water her secret stash of black roses in her hidden away area of the garden. She is pleased to see them starting to poke out from the soil. When the new black roses grow, she will no longer be in danger of running out. In fact, the current black rose is looking a bit sickly, since she’s already plucked so many of its petals.

  Shortly after returning from her secret garden, a most curious thing occurs.

  One of the guard cards tells her that a message has arrived, via carrier pigeon.

  No one knows who sent the pigeon.

  The little rolled up piece of paper is sealed and on the outside reads the words: For Queen (M)alice’s eyes only.

  Malice sits alone in her personal chambers at her writing desk. She wonders why the M has parentheses around it. She tears the piece of paper that serves as a seal for the message underneath. The words are written in tiny letters in order to fit on the small piece of paper, so she fetches her magnifying glass and reads:

  FOR QUEEN (M)ALICE’S eyes only.

  I trust that you have discovered the statue I made in your honor. I am sure you wonder who I am. I am a secret admirer.

  I’m sure you agree that the statue I made is marvelous, even better than the original! And the motto: “Better to try and fail,” is in reference to you. You shall surely fail as Queen, you poor dear, but it is so valiant of you to put forth the good effort!

  The statue shall exist on long after your reign ends. It shall serve as a sort of permanent mockery. Ha ha. But it is like our private joke. For I know that, because of your pride, you will publicly praise the statue. What else can you do? You can’t have it destroyed. What would people think then?

  And so it shall serve as a constant taunting that you will have to bear with a smile! And that is why I made the statue for you!

  Oh, I must inform you that I have hidden something for you. Look for the tree to the right of the statue’s right temple. The tree with a knothole. Inside the knothole is a button of sorts that opens a compartment in the tree. Inside the compartment is a steel mallet that you might use to break the statue when no one is watching. I suggest you strike the statue’s face first.

  Why did I put it there? Why, to taunt and mock you further, little little queen. For I know you won’t have the guts to destroy your precious statue and then have to answer embarrassing questions. And so the very existence of the mallet shall serve to constantly torment you and serve as evidence of your cowardice.

  By now I’m sure you are just dying to know: Who am I? I am someone who yearns to be near you, for you have captured my heart. Perhaps someday I shall reveal myself.

  SINCERELY,

  He who awaits you from afar

  P.S. I SUGGEST YOU burn this message after reading.

  MALICE LETS FORTH A shout of rage. At first she had thought the statue came from Hatter, but now, she realizes it came from someone who desires her, yet is afraid of her rejection. Someone within her very own court, perhaps. But who? Or perhaps it’s the Snark’s doing, after all.

  She considers sending her guards immediately over to smash the infernal statue to bits. But it is just as the message said: she would be embarrassed to give such an order, too proud to admit the statue is intended as a grand insult after she had made such a show of basking in the glow of her adoration, claiming the statue was a symbol of how much everyone loves her.

  But whoever made that statue wants to goad me and manipulate me into smashing it, she thinks to herself. So they can laugh at me, no doubt. Well I shan’t be manipulated. I shall leave the statue and the blasted mallet where they are. And when I find out who is behind this, there shall be another occupied cell in the dungeon! Until then, I suppose I shall have to grin and bear it, and continue acting as if the statue is a great honor. Oh, this is so very upsetting. I believe I need a little bit more of the black rose medicine to calm me.

  She nibbles a bit of a petal. She closes her eyes and grins as the calming effects come on.

  And then she lights a match and sets the message aflame.

  She hopes to find out the vile fiend’s identity soon, but in the meantime, she has to stay productive, she has to assemble her team.

  “Do you know the whereabouts of the Knight these days?”

  Hatter’s eyes grow wide in alarm. “Malice...no. You know the Knight is terrified to be around you.”

  Malice taps at her lower lip with her finger. “Yes, yes. His partha...pantha...”

  Hatter winces at her mangling of the word before rescuing her by saying, “Parthenophobia.”

  “Yes, I can never get that word right.” It’s a big fancy word that refers to the Knight’s fear of little girls. Of course, she’s 15 now, and doesn’t consider herself a little girl, but apparently the Knight’s phobia feels differently.

  “Yes, well he’s been doing therapy with my psychiatrist, but I don’t think he’s quite ready to be around you, what with him being terrified, the poor sod.”

  “So he’s made progress.”

  “So he tells me, but I don’t think he’s a good candidate to be on our team.”

  “But he’s the Knight! His whole life is dedicated to quests and epic adventures. If he finds out we went on an epic quest without even inviting him?” She pulls a face. “He’ll be woefully offended, I’m certain. So I wish to visit him and formally invite him. Now, you know where he is staying?”

  “Yes, I visit him from time to time. We like to compare our insanities. I even recommended my shrink to him, and as a matter of fact, I know they shall be engaging in a session tomorrow afternoon. Since you’re so determined to invite him, I daresay it’d be best to visit him while my shrink is there.”

  “Why?”

  “The therapist shall be able to quell his fears, should he go off his rocker.”

  “I see. Very well, we’ll visit him tomorrow. I’ll tell Humpty.”

  “But I must warn you. The Knight has holed up within a fort of his own devising. It is inside a cave that he has filled with a series of “anti-little-girl” challenges comprised of an assortment of things that are the exact opposite of little girls. He feels that his decor shall ward off little girls by making them extremely uncomfortable. Do you still insist on paying him a visit? Won’t a note do?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  IT IS MIDAFTERNOON, and Malice hasn’t had any of the black rose since early morning. She’s been trying to limit her intake and is proud she was able to control her dosage. She intends to go another two or three days without taking any more.

  Malice, Hatter, and Humpty are in the middle of the forest, approaching a cave entrance on a hillside. According to Hatter, inside is a long cave that forms a tunnel the Knight filled with a series of anti-little-girl challenges.

  They look at the wooden sign on a post next to the cave entrance.

  In blue paint, the sign reads: Beware ye all little girls who enter The Anti-Little-Girl Tunnel, for it represents everything that is the opposite of little girls! Turn back ye before it’s too late! This is no cave for little girls!

  “Well,” Malice says as they all raise their heads, “he seems to have quite the fixation, doesn’t he? I mean, a whole fort and everything. Such a contrivance! All designed to keep little girls away from the precious quivering knight. The only chink in the armor, as it were, is that I’m not actually a little girl. I’m 15! Surely, whatever obstacles he has devised shall have no effect whatsoever upon me.”

  “Nevertheless...” Hatter says. His countenance looks doubtful.

  “Nevertheless, what?”

  Hatter says, “Nevertheless, perhaps if we simply call out to the Knight and the shrink, they’ll come out and talk to us. No
need to go through any unnecessary bother, yeah?”

  “Why, little Hatter! If I weren’t aware that you’d certainly know better, I’d venture to say you think I can’t handle the little Knight’s little obstacle course.”

  “Everything’s so little,” Humpty mutters under his breath.

  Malice makes a smacky sound with her mouth at his comment.

  The Cat says, “I for one would be thrilled to see you make your way through the cave. I daresay, it would make a most thrilling show!”

  Hatter huffs. “She shouldn’t put herself in danger merely for your amusement!”

  “So now it’s dangerous?” Malice says with a smirk.

  “Of course not, dear,” Hatter says. “But it shall be quite a bother.”

  “So you exaggerated,” Malice chastises.

  Before Hatter can respond, Humpty says to the Cat, “Why don’t you make yourself useful, and pop into the cave to announce our arrival?”

  The Cat swivels his floating head to face him, turns his snout up in the air. “Little boy, you offend me! I have a strict policy of non-interference.”

  Humpty grunts and crosses his arms, mutters under his breath, “Little this, and little that.”

  Malice says, “Yes, he does seem to engage in non-interference most often when he doesn’t want to be bothered. And since he would enjoy so much watching me go through the Knight’s challenges, I’ve changed my mind.”

  “Spite!” the Cat shouts.

  “Quite,” Malice says. “Now who shall do the bellowing?” She looks at Humpty and Hatter.

  Humpty looks down. “I dislike yelling. Apologies.”

  Hatter says, “I quite enjoy a good yell! I find them quite invigorating!”

  Malice says, “Go on then. I should very much like to hear what you come up with.”

  “Won’t you join me?” Hatter says. “A good yell may improve your sullen demeanor.”