Malice in Wonderland Bundle 3 Page 17

  Humpty shakes his head. “No, no, that won’t be necessary. Please. I never asked for that prize. Don’t tease me.”

  Malice feels anger well up inside her. “Don’t you want my kiss? Am I too muddy?”

  “No, I—” he stammers, in that infuriatingly shy way of his.

  Froud steps in between them, smiling in a creepy way. “In my expert opinion, the boy has a psychological complex that is inhibiting his behavior.”

  “Complex?” Humpty says with furrowed brow.

  “What are you on about?” Malice says.

  Froud says, “Without my advanced psychological knowledge, it’ll be difficult for you to understand, but suffice it to say it shall prove very therapeutic for you to kiss me, and due to the nature of the treatment, it must be upon the lips.”

  “My word!” exclaims Hatter.

  Froud takes a few steps toward Malice, making fish-like movements with his lips that can be described as “yearning for a kiss”.

  “What? No!” Malice exclaims, and fixes him with a glare that freezes him in place. She looks to Humpty. “I only want to kiss you on the cheek, to show you how grateful I am. Are you still mad at me? Is that it?” She tries to keep the hurt out of her voice, but doesn’t succeed.

  Humpty stammers, “No, not mad. It just...makes me uncomfortable.”

  Froud interrupts, “I assure you I meant nothing inappropriate. The kiss would be purely clinical and unexciting, merely meant to—”

  Malice shoots him a glare.

  “—to elicit a therapeutic response.”

  Malice huffs at him. To Humpty, she says, “You’re just shy, darling. It’s okay.”

  Humpty looks down at the ground and blushes.

  And Hatter is saying to Froud, “Would me punching you in your scrunchy face be considered a therapeutic response?”

  The Cat chuckles.

  Malice ignores them, says to Humpty, “So someday, when you’re not so shy, you would be receptive to me kissing you, yes?”

  Humpty, while still looking down, says, “Perhaps. I apologize, but I find I get quite too nervous quite too often, My Queen.”

  “Quite,” Malice says. “But I understand. You’ve been through a lot, you’ve literally been broken quite a few times. It’s understandable that you’re skittish. But I hope that with time, you’ll accept my kiss. Do you think you can?”

  Humpty blushes ever-the-more fiercely. “Yes. Someday. But not like this.”

  The Cat says, “Well I’m glad that’s settled.”

  Froud says, “So let us proceed with the kiss therapy. It is important—”

  “No,” Malice says with a glare.

  “—to do so immediately,” Froud completes, and there is that creepy smile again upon his face.

  “He’s a duck,” Hatter says.

  Malice gazes at him for a moment in puzzlement. “Oh! As Hatter said, I suspect you may be a quack, Froud. I hope this little obstacle course doesn’t turn out to be folly!”

  The Cat licks his lips. “Fowly! That would be a duck. I’d fancy one right now.”

  Humpty is muttering, “Yes, I don’t understand how a kiss can be so therapeutic. And therapeutic on whom?”

  Froud says, “The effects of the black rose...” He hesitates, as if weighing his words.

  “Yes, go on,” Malice urges.

  “Never mind. It’s over your head—you wouldn’t understand.”

  “Do you fancy duck?” the Cat says to Hatter.

  Malice says to Froud, “Well, then I shall go on not understanding, because I’m not going to kiss you. And that’s that.”

  Hatter, who has been speaking to the Cat, is saying, “...with a nice side pudding is best.”

  The Cat makes a face. “Pudding? Bleh! Blood pudding perhaps.”

  Malice groans. “Are you two done? I’d like to get on with our miniquest now.” She lifts her hands up in the air. “For I have risen from the mud like the lotus, and shall now face the challenge of the flame!”

  “Oh dear,” Humpty says.

  “I agree,” says Hatter. “Flame can be quite hot.”

  Froud lifts his pointing finger up in the air. “Not this one. The challenge of the flame is purely illusory.” He walks ahead toward the vase resting on the ground.

  “Illusory?” Humpty echoes, as Malice exchanges glances of puzzlement with the others.

  Froud says, “Quite.” He reaches into the vase and pulls out a handful of grayish, grainy powder, with bits of silvery specks in it. “This is a special chemical mix, that when combined with the other chemicals that have been painted on the ground, create a type of flame that is only mildly warm.” He tosses the powder onto the cave floor behind the vase, and a wall of crackling fire rises up in front of them.

  Malice shields her eyes.

  “Brilliant!” the Cat shouts. “Literally!”

  “Whoa!” Humpty says.

  Hatter says, “Well it’s rather convincing, isn’t it?”

  “It’s quite harmless, as long as you’re not carrying gunpowder or something highly flammable.” He sticks his hand into the wall of flame. “See?”

  Malice realizes she’s not experiencing the hot wind that would be flowing from a typical flame. “So why is it a challenge, then?”

  Froud lowers his hand. “Again, I must state that the Knight insisted that I give you this upcoming fanciful speech.” He sighs. “Witness the trial of fire! This is a psychological trial, but that is often the most vexing kind of them all, for though these flames shall produce no physical harm, the very image of the flames would deter any little girl from entering them.”

  Malice places her hand upon her hip. “And, praytell, why is that?”

  “Because no little girl would be able to control the overwhelming fear of being burned alive. For, though she may tell herself over and over again that it’s not real, little girls are weak, immature. And so they shall run away while screaming like, well... little girls. It is inevitable.”

  “I see,” Malice says. “But wouldn’t little boys do exactly the same?”

  “Absolutely,” Hatter says. “I know I would’ve, when I was little.”

  Froud continues, “If there is even a remnant of that past little girl left inside you, she shall cause you to flee in terror.” Out of the side of his mouth, he says, “At least, that’s the Knight’s theory.”

  The Cat says, “Interesting theory, that one. I’m just glad I can float above the flame.” He looks up, where there is a space of about seven feet between the tops of the flames and the roof of the cave.

  Froud, ignoring the Cat, gestures with his hand and proclaims, “And so I present you with your second anti-little-girl challenge! The illusory wall of mildly-warm flame!”

  “Is it truly not-hot?” Humpty says.

  Froud shrugs. “You need only approach and feel for yourself.” He fixes Malice with a withering glare. “Unless you have a little girl within, who is too afraid!”

  But Malice doesn’t meet his eyes, she’s staring with unfocused eyes into the flames. She murmurs, “Phoenix...flame...rising...”

  “I beg your pardon?” Froud says.

  She answers, “The flame rises, much like the inspiration of the black rose rises within my soul. I feel the words...licking like tendrils...a continuation of the poem...”

  “Wonderful,” the Cat says. “Let’s hear it then...”

  Malice nods slightly, takes a deep breath.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  MALICE PROCLAIMS:

  “JUST LIKE THE LOTUS emerges from mud, so dire,

  The phoenix arises from the ashes of fire.

  It hatches, already fully mature,

  Like me, who’s a big girl now, truly and pure.

  But just as the phoenix grows from red flames,

  Big girls grow from little girls, with all their pink games.”

  MALICE’S MOUTH DRAWS shut. Her mouth forms into a tight thin line.

  “My Queen?” Hatter says.


  “Is she asleep?” says the Cat. “A coma, perhaps? But her eyes are open. Perhaps—”

  Malice rolls her eyes. “It is done. Part two of the Poem of Mud, Fire, and Slug. The inspiration of the black rose has subsided.”

  Humpty says, “When shall we get to hear the third part?”

  Malice turns to look at him, says, “Why, little boy—”

  “Don’t call me that,” he snaps.

  “My apologies, young one, it’s just that I’m such a big girl, that we seem so far apart.”

  “Rubbish,” Humpty says. “I’m older than you.”

  “Oh, righto. Well, as to the third part of the poem, I imagine, young man, that it shall come once we have passed through the trial of flame.” She shrugs. “But I am at the whimsy and mercy of the black rose’s inspiration. I’m merely a vessel, my dear, young Humpty.”

  Humpty groans. “Okay okay, very well. Let’s go through the flames, then. We’ve come this far.”

  In alarm, Hatter says, “The heat shall bake this mud in! Oh, how shall I ever get my trousers clean again! My trousers! My trousers.” He’s walking in a little circle, gesturing wildly in the air in his dismay.

  Froud says, “No, no, my charmingly mad man, as I’ve explained, the flame is only mildly warm, and you’d only be exposed to it briefly until you reach the other side. After that...” He points above the flames to the cloth hanging from the cave ceiling. “...that waterproof cloth holds a bunch of water that shall be used to extinguish the flames.”

  Hatter stops his frantic circle-making and looks up. “But the flame shall be doused only after we suffer the inconvenience of passing through it.”

  “Correct,” Froud says.

  Malice says, “So that you may be able to pass through unmolested by flame?”

  “Yes,” Froud says, “for I am your guide—I’m not meant to go through the challenges myself.”

  “How pleasant for you,” Malice says with a snarl.

  “Leisurely, I should say,” says the Cat.

  Humpty says, “But it shan’t be without risks for him. What if he slips on the wet rock once the flames are doused?”

  “Ha! Ha!” Hatter says. “Then the bards shall sing songs in praise of his courage and sacrifice.”

  Froud makes a clicky sound with his tongue. “Yes, well the fact of the matter is that these challenges are meant for Her Highness...and loyal companions. And so, the next challenge awaits.” He waves his hand toward the roaring wall of flame.

  “Tally-ho, lads!” Malice says as she steps up to just the edge of the flames.

  Humpty and Hatter stand on either side of her.

  Hatter stares with a fearful expression at the flames before having to look down from the brightness. “They look so authentic.”

  Humpty sticks his hand into the fire. “But Froud was right. Barely even warm.”

  Malice sticks her hand in as well to find that’s indeed the case.

  The Cat, who is floating above the flames, calls down, “Yes I feel no hot updraft like I would from a real fire.”

  Malice calls up, “It must be nice to be able to fly above like that.”

  The Cat says, “Well, I have a non-interference policy, in case you forgot.”

  “You won’t let us!” Malice calls up. “But enough of that confounded Cat. Let’s go.” She looks at Hatter on her left and Humpty on the right. Both lads look hesitant.

  Malice is feeling a bit scared herself, but summons up her courage.

  “It’s so bright,” Humpty says. “What if we lose our way?”

  “Just keep your eyes closed and walk in a straight line. Here...both of you take my hand, so nobody walks astray... Good! Now let me give you each a kiss upon your cheek in gratitude for accompanying me.”

  “But—” Humpty sputters.

  Malice says, “Please. It will only be a kiss upon the cheek. It won’t be so bad. Wouldn’t that be okay?”

  Humpty tries to say something, but gets choked up. He nods meekly.

  Froud says, “You wished me to go through as well. I’d do it if I could receive a kiss also.”

  “What?” She glares at him. “Perhaps I’ll kiss your head after I’ve ordered it removed from your shoulders.”

  She quickly turns her head to face Hatter while offering him the sweetest of smiles.

  And Froud quietly says, “You wouldn’t do that.”

  Malice says to Hatter, “And what of you, love? You’re such a good friend and I don’t want you to be mad at me. Please allow me to give you a peck on the cheek.”

  Hatter nods, says, “It would be my honor.”

  And Malice is elated that he’s coming around, not so angry at her anymore.

  Malice glances at Froud, sees that he’s about to say something most likely irritating, and glares at him.

  Froud remains quiet.

  She says, “Well, then, my two brave men by my side, I am grateful for your loyalty and companionship. I shall give you each a kiss for good fortune before we set out through the wall of flame.”

  Froud mutters, “Not a kiss upon the lips, I should hope.”

  “Of course not,” Malice says. “Not that it’s any of your concern.”

  “However—” Froud starts but Malice huffs and turns away, cutting him off.

  She says, “Now, you shall have to scrunch down for me to bestow my kisses. Humpty first...”

  Humpty bends his knees and lowers himself. He trembles slightly, but Malice chooses not to mention it.

  She kisses him upon the cheek as chastely as she can manage.

  Even so, Humpty is blushing as he straightens up again.

  Malice turns her head. “And you, my brave madman.”

  Hatter merely grins slightly, nods, and crouches down.

  Malice kisses his cheek, says, “There! That’s for good luck!”

  “Ah!” Hatter exclaims. “So your kiss is like a toast.” His face takes on a serious expression. “I don’t mean the bready kind.”

  “I know what kind you mean,” Malice assures.

  Froud clears his throat. “Well since I shan’t receive a royal send-off kiss, I shall stand on the sidelines and watch you either succeed, or run screaming from the flames. Now don’t dilly-dally, you three. Let’s get on with it. Tally-ho, and all that.”

  All three of them cast a scowl at Froud.

  “Let’s,” Malice says with a sneer. “Come on, lads.” She grabs their hands and swings them. “On the count of three,” she says.

  They count down, then step into the flame.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  MALICE’S EYES CLAMP shut and she focuses on the comfort offered by the two hands she’s holding.

  She lets out a little wavering moan of fear.

  The roar of the flame is loud within her ears.

  Hatter shouts over it, “Fear not, My Queen, for we shall extinguish this flame and be victorious!”

  Malice would roll her eyes if they weren’t closed. “We shan’t!” she says in a half-chastising, half-fearful tone.

  “What’s that?” Hatter says.

  Humpty explains, “We’re not meant to put out, merely walk through.”

  “Oh, yes!” Hatter says. “Just keep your eyes closed and it shall be a piece of cake!”

  They continue stepping forward, while tapping out with their feet so they don’t fall.

  Malice can feel the flame’s mild warmth tickling her skin. She fights back the urge to panic, reminding herself the gentle flame can’t harm her.

  “That’s it,” Humpty says. “Steady as she goes, and we’ll soon be through.”

  Hatter shouts out, “Cake? Where?!” He lets out a scream and pulls his hand away from Malice’s.

  Hatter is screaming more.

  Malice shouts, “Hatter, what’s going on?”

  “I wanted to see the piece of cake, so I opened my eyes. Now all this flame has filled me with terror!”

  Malice groans. “There is no cake, Hatty. That was a figure of spee
ch that you yourself used!”

  In a high-pitched voice, Hatter squeals, “But I remember seeing cake quite recently!”

  Humpty says, “That was the little girl’s side of the caves, the other side.”

  But Hatter is shrieking in terror again. “Oh, now that I gaze upon the flame, I can’t handle this! I’m turning back! I apologize.”

  “Oh no you don’t, Hatty! You’re almost through! You’re going through even if I have to drag you!” She opens her eyes. Her vision is filled with the blaring red of tall flickering flame. She fights down the urge to panic.

  Hatter has already lost that battle—she can hear his screams over the roar of the flames.

  She says, “Humpty! Open your eyes so we can help Hatty!” She looks to Humpty—it’s hard for her to make out in the brightness, but she sees his eyes open and squint.

  To her left, Malice sees Hatter spinning in circles amidst flame rippling around his body. He’s waving his arms frantically in the air.

  To Humpty, Malice says, “I’ll push. You pull.”

  Humpty nods, and they make their way toward the panicked Hatter.

  Malice stomps her foot. “Hatty! Stop that spinning this instant!”

  Hatter stops and squints down at her. “This fire is driving me mad! I’ve got to go!”

  Malice shouts, “No! The best way out, is through!” And she points toward the slug and snail side.

  But Hatter looks toward the opposite side, where the mud is. “No! The fire will burn the cake! Must go! Must go!” And he starts running back toward the mud pool.

  Malice runs and slams into him, wrapping her arms around his waist, tackling him to the ground.

  They land roughly on the hard cave floor that’s coated with the gritty chemicals that fuel the flame.

  Hatter is in a full-blown panic, trying desperately to crawl toward the wrong side of the flames. He almost gets away from Malice, but she latches onto his calf, keeping him from going too far, at least for a little while, and she calls out, “Humpty! Help!”

  Humpty stands in front of Hatter, calls down to him, “You’re going the wrong way!”

  “Lift him up!” Malice calls, and Humpty grabs under Hatter’s arms and pulls him to his feet. Now Humpty says, “There you are, mate. Get yourself together.”