Malice in Wonderland Bundle 3 Page 9

  The guard card leads them to the forest clearing, a short distance away from the castle.

  The statue is comprised of white porcelain, standing on a wooden platform on the grass. It depicts Malice standing, dressed in her royal poofy gown. The statue is larger than life, several inches taller than Malice herself.

  The expression on the porcelain-Malice’s face is stern, regal, looking off into the distance. In its right hand, it holds a royal scepter. In its left hand it holds a thick stone tablet, or rather, a white porcelain version of one. Carved into the stone tablet are the words: Better to try and fail.

  After reading the words, she says, “Yes, what an inspiring, grand statue. Is this your doing?”

  Humpty says, “No. It’s odd, a statue in the middle of the forest, just appearing like this.”

  “It didn’t just appear. Someone put it here. To honor me, I suppose.”

  “It would seem so. Who did it, do you think?”

  “Hatter, it must be. It is his way of apologizing!” She giggles.

  “I don’t think he would be apologizing to you.”

  Malice scowls. “Then perhaps I have a secret admirer. You should be jealous.”

  “Perhaps whoever did this shall claim credit soon, so you can stop speculating.”

  Malice giggles, spreads wide her arms and proclaims, “Oh my glorious statue!” She steps upon the platform, leaps up and kisses the statue upon the cheek. As she lands, she almost falls off, but Humpty steadies her with his hands upon her waist.

  “Whoa, Malice, what has gotten into you?”

  “The black rose. I’ve been testing its effects. One effect is impulsiveness!”

  “And clumsiness.”

  “Ah yes, but I had the urge to kiss myself and so I tried! And I succeeded. You know the saying, don’t you boy? Better to try and fail...”

  “Than not to try at all,” he mutters. He helps her down from the platform.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  THE NEXT AFTERNOON, Malice is much more sober. Outside Sleepy B’s hut, with Humpty at her side, she tells the Jabberwock everything Kingston said—at least as much as she can remember. Both Kingston and the Queen of Hearts had spoken of some kind of forget spell. But she tells the Jabberwock about the Snark’s plans to unite all the monster tribes in order to vanquish Wonderland and replace it with another realm, and how the Snark could possibly travel to Jabberwock Valley to take control of one of the leaders there.

  The Jabberwock is not convinced.

  At one point he says, “I know you really wanted a reason for me to go to Jabberwock Valley, but this is rather much.”

  “Are you accusing me of lying?”

  “No, no,” the Jabberwock replies. “I just feel that maybe you wanted too much to believe him. How do you know the werepig boy wasn’t mistaken or lying? You say he’s one of the group of monsters? So maybe he was having some fun with a human girl.”

  Malice gnaws at her lower lip. “Well he seemed believable...at the time.”

  The Jabberwock shakes his head (which he is holding in his hand). “And the Snark is supposed to be some conniving mastermind behind a nefarious plot?! Why, the Snark is nothing but a sniveling little twit. I’d think he’s too much of a coward to show himself around these parts again.”

  Malice is starting to doubt herself. She looks at Humpty, whose brow is furrowed. To the Jabberwock, Malice says, “So you don’t believe it’s true?”

  He answers, “Not without better proof, no. It just doesn’t pass the believability test. And I’m glad too, because if this wild story of the werepig boy were true, it would really be scary.”

  So Malice lets the matter drop, not wanting to push things too far, as she’d recently done with so many of her friends.

  The Jabberwock informs her that Reginald (also known as the Horseman Head, short for the Headless Horseman Head) requested to speak to her before she returns to the castle. The Jabberwock further informs her to not be surprised by any odd behavior on the Horseman Head’s part. According to the Jabberwock, he’s been acting oddly lately—he’d ordered all mirrors in the mansion removed. And he’d recently received a top hat from Hatter which the Jabberwock had never seen him wear even once. And Reginald had even been talking differently lately, according to the Jabberwock.

  Humpty and Malice walk over to the bone mansion that had been recently relocated—it was simply picked up and reassembled by the Horseman Head’s servants to be close to Sleepy B’s hut.

  Reginald had ordered his skeleton girl servants to move the mansion so he could be closer to his body, which he is letting the Jabberwock borrow, for a fee of course. And the reason Reginald could animate his headless body, his bodyless head, and the skeleton girls is that he is a necromancer...

  It both creeps her out, and at the same time gives her a lurid thrill—she can sense a lot of her attraction is due to the black rose’s dark romantic nature filling her, causing her to yearn for the dark side and dark thrills. Of course, since she’d gone since last afternoon without chewing any petals, the effects aren’t as powerful as the past couple of days, but she can still feel its seductive pull.

  Malice and Humpty stand in front of the door made of long bones, with a metal knocker in the shape of a jabberwock head—she holds the knocker up, about to bring it rapping down on the door, and she shudders in anticipation.

  Humpty, watching her, says, “I cringe as well. I remember the last time we went into that place. I find those skeleton girls a bit unnerving, you know, with them being undead and all, and with him being, you know, decapitated. It gives me the chills.” He shudders to illustrate.

  “Oh, pish posh. I personally think it’s brilliant how he manages to stay alive with his head separated from his body. I actually find him and his skeleton girls quite...intriguing. Alluring even.”

  Humpty arches a brow. “You’ve always found him as creepy as I do, before.”

  “I think it’s the effects of the black rose. It causes me to be drawn more to the dark side of things.”

  “Perhaps that’s not such a good thing.”

  “Oh balderdash. We’ll go in, and it’ll be fine.”

  “But all those animated skeletons...”

  “Oh, don’t be such a scaredy cat. You aren’t gonna let me go alone are you? Of course not. And don’t you want to see the decapitated head’s new hat? I wonder if it shall make him more dapper.” She chuckles. “It should be amusing at the least.”

  Humpty sighs. “The Jabberwock said that Reginald hasn’t even been wearing the hat. But I admit I’m curious about it. Hatter mentioned nothing about it. Was he keeping it secret for some reason?”

  “I don’t know,” Malice says. “He mentioned nothing of it to me, either. But enough of this dilly-dallying. I’ve been holding this knocker aloft quite long enough.” She raps the knocker against the door three times. “I pray that you shall accompany me.”

  Humpty exhales a long, exasperated sigh. “Very well.”

  And now the bone door is being pulled open. Behind the door stand two skeleton girls, with long flowing raven-black hair, dressed in bikinis.

  They’d be a little sexier with a little meat on their bones—or any meat on their bones. I wonder if the Horseman Head does anything romantic with the girls.

  He doesn’t have a body right now, but perhaps he might kiss the girls...or lick them. The thought creeps her out, but also intrigues her. She would like to watch such a thing, just for a little while...especially after eating a bit more of the black rose...

  She is brought out of her reverie by the sight of the skeleton girls curtsying deeply.

  “Welcome Queen Malice,” says the girl in the light blue bikini.

  The one in the hot pink bikini says, “Yes, and welcome Monsieur Humpty. Our Master has been awaiting your arrival.”

  “Yes,” Malice says, “he wanted to speak to us. What about?”

  “We don’t know,” says the light blue bikini girl. “We’ll take you to him.” />
  And with that, they lead Malice and Humpty down a bone-lined hallway. The sound of calming harp and violin music fills the air, making the mansion seem sophisticated and contemplative. The skeleton girls lead them to the open archway that leads into a room filled with bikini-wearing skeleton girls with long swaying black hair. Malice wonders if they’re wearing wigs. Many of them play instruments like drums, maracas, and harps. Others lounge about on sofas and chairs. A few others stand at attention holding weapons like crossbows, axes, and swords.

  And there, in the middle of the room, is Reginald, also known as the Headless Horseman’s decapitated head. He rests atop a royal red silken pillow on a pedestal of bone—his version of a throne. He faces the wall that’s on their right, so that they view the side of his face. They view half of his mustache, which is meticulously waxed. Malice remembers what the Jabberwock had said about a top hat, but now he wears none upon his smoothly pomaded hair.

  He looks quite dapper, which is not surprising, since she’d always heard that he considers himself a suave gentleman.

  The blue bikini skeleton girl announces, “Master! Queen Malice and Monsieur Humpty have arrived.”

  A grin creeps up the side of the Horseman Head. His eyes shift as far to his right as they can go, so he can look at them. His head doesn’t move—perhaps if he twists his neck, he’ll topple over, Malice thinks.

  Reginald shouts, “Well, bugger me! They’ve finally arrived. About time, says I!”

  Malice frowns and exchanges a glance with Humpty. He must be thinking the same thing she is—they’d always been told that Reginald was a very proper gentleman who always speaks in a very formal manner, and he’d acted that way the last they saw him.

  But his words just then were quite common and crass. Perhaps he’ll begin speaking properly from here on...

  “Well, it’s good to finally be here!” Malice says as she and Humpty walk over until they’re facing the head on the pillow. “You wished to speak to us?”

  “Righto,” says Reginald. “Girls, lay off for a bit, so’s we can chin wag for a wee while.”

  The skeleton girls dutifully stop playing the music, and go as still...as the dead.

  Malice says, “We heard you recently received quite a posh hat. But Hatty never even let me know he was making one for you.”

  “Oh, bugger the hat. I have important things to discuss with you concerning the Queen.”

  Malice puts her hand on her hip. She knows he’s referring to the Queen of Hearts. “I’m the Queen.” As she says it, she sees an object beginning to appear to the left and slightly above the Horseman Head.

  Reginald rolls his eyes at her comment, as the Cheshire Cat’s grinning head continues appearing—it takes him a few seconds to solidify.

  Meanwhile, Humpty supports her by saying, “Yeah, she’s the Queen,” and Malice shoots him a grin of gratitude, which causes Humpty to look down shyly, while Reginald says, “You know who I mean. You have her captive, correct?”

  Malice suppresses a snarl at the rudeness. The Cat, who has completed forming his floating head, swoops toward her while saying, “Heya Maly,” before turning around to face the decapitated head. “Hiya Horsey Heady! What’d I miss?”

  “Cat head,” the Horseman Head says while giving a slight nod—he obviously can’t give very much more forceful nods, due to his precarious decapitated state. “You didn’t miss anything. In fact, you’re being rather an interrupter, yeah?”

  The Cat hisses at him and bares his fangs.

  Reginald sniffs. “Oh, you’re as much of a nuisance as those rats you hunt down. You’re just lucky you can reappear and disappear that floating head of yours, so no one can clasp a hold of it, unlike the Horseman Head. A bit of a cheater, you are, says I.”

  The Cat hisses again.

  Malice says, “Referring to yourself in the third person, are you? My, how arrogant.”

  “What’s that?” Reginald says. “Oh, right. Yes, I like to use the royal we, Queen. For I am the king here, you see.” He winks, circles his eyes around to indicate the skeleton girls...many of whom had acquired weapons within the past few moments.

  Malice resists the urge to snarl. Instead she raises her eyebrows.

  The Cat says, “In the kingdom of meatless girls, the meat-head is king.” He chuckles at his own joke, Humpty lets out a surprised burst of laughter, and Malice titters and covers her mouth.

  “Brilliant one,” Humpty says.

  “Thank ya,” says the Cat.

  The Horseman Head scowls. “Shut up, fur head. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”

  The Cat says, “...and to shave a mustache.”

  Malice says to the Cat, “Enough. Don’t antagonize him further. You have a non-interference policy, remember?” She forces a smile on her face and meets Reginald’s eyes. “Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot. Oh! No offense intended! I know you don’t have feet. I mean you do, but they’re with the Jabberwock.”

  Reginald is scowling while the Cat cackles and Humpty tries to keep from laughing, but fails.

  Malice’s face screws up. “Oh dash it all! I apologize most profusely and humbly, alright? Now let’s quite pussy footing about and get to it. What did you wish to speak to me of?”

  The Horseman Head says, “I have been speaking with the Snark. He told me to relay to you—”

  Malice gasps. “The Snark?!”

  “Righto. You remember him, right? A brilliant, charming monster who took over your Mad Hatter...”

  Malice snarls. “Yes, a filthy spider parasite creature.”

  Reginald grimaces. “Not a good analogy.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Spiders have legs, the Snark has tentacles.” He sniffs.

  Malice says, “Like an octopus? Well, in either case, whether he possesses tentacles or legs, I remember Alice punching him solidly in his gaping squishy maw!”

  The Cat laughs. “And that was a jolly good show, right there!”

  Reginald forces a puff of air through his mouth, with a disgusted expression. “Well, it was a sucker punch, but I’m back...” He grimaces and thinks for a bit. “And if I can come back, then so can the Snark, because I must admit, he’s a right, proper, bloody, genius he is, and he intends to destroy Wonderland and unite the monster tribes, and rename this land, Woeland, with him as the magnificent ruler!”

  “So it’s truly true?!” Malice says. “He’s truly milling about, planning to overthrow and conquer and whatnot?”

  “Indeed he is,” Reginald says. “And the chap is so bloody conniving, so intelligent and smart and um, intelligent, that there is no doubt he shall be successful.”

  “Rubbish,” the Cat mutters under his breath.

  Malice raises a rage-shaking fist. “No he shan’t, because we won’t let it happen, right lads?”

  “We most definitely shan’t,” Humpty says, and the Cat says, “He’s no match for you, Queeny.”

  “Indeed he’s not,” Malice says, before scowling at the Horseman Head. “But why are you so set on this Queendom failing? Whose side are you on?”

  “I merely call it how I see’s it. You must admit, he is much more intelligentster, while you on the other hand are more inexperienceder as a queen.”

  Malice huffs in indignation. “I’m also inexperienced in slapping the mustaches off of daft gits’ faces. Perhaps I should practice!”

  “Do it!” the Cat goads while chuckling.

  Reginald shoots him a look, before returning his attention to Malice. “Whoa nelly, lass. We must try to stay on the right foot, yeah?” He winks.

  “I know where I’d like to put my foot,” Malice mutters.

  Reginald gives a little laugh. “You’d have to go to the Jabberwock head. But back to the matter at hand...”

  Malice gives him a glowering look, indicating his lack of hands and body. “Whose hand?”

  “Merely a figure of speech,” he says. “Now, the Snark is a bit of a fearsome fellow, so I didn’t talk to
him for long. However, I wanted to make sure you knew what we discussed because, as Queen, you should be made aware.”

  “Thank you. It’s nice to get a bit of respect.”

  “Yes. I feel you will make a...practical ruler. I realize that you’re not the one responsible for the current woeful state of the monster tribes. No, it was the queen before you who was responsible.”

  “What are you getting at?” Malice says. “You act as if it’s a bad thing to keep the monsters away.”

  “Well, to be fair, who gets to decide who is a monster or not? There are many who might say that Wonderland was worse than the monster kingdoms, because Wonderland was ruled by the cruel, vicious Queen of Hearts. Many would say she was the real monster.”

  Humpty says, “Yes, she is, I mean was.”

  The Cat says, “Yeah, she kept trying to behead me, the beast.”

  Reginald chuckles. “You see? It’s all a matter of perspective. Just because someone is human doesn’t mean they can’t be a monster, and vice versa...take your friend the Jabberwock, for example. He’s technically a monster, correct? And yet I hear you get along swimmingly.”

  Malice says, “Yes, that’s a good point. I admit I haven’t sorted everything out in my mind, but the fact of the matter is that it all happened before I was brought into this world. All I can do, is try to deal with the present and the future. No one seems to even remember what happened in the distant past, anyway.”

  The Horseman Head smiles. “I must say, I think your attitude is spot on. And you’re right that none of it was your fault. It’s the Queen of Hearts’, which is why the Snark wants her eliminated for her crimes...so he told me.”

  “No one would miss her,” the Cat says.

  Malice’s eyes narrow. “But I don’t support the death penalty. And I must say, it sounds as if you’ve become awfully familiar with the Snark.”

  Reginald says, “We’ve been working very closely together.”

  “Oh no,” Humpty says quietly.